What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
