I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i drank out of a bidet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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