Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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