At least make sure they are 18
Why
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
