I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
