The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
