So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
