Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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