It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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