is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
