Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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