How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
COCAINE IS GR8
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
