Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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