new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
