Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize