I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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