My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
