We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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