Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
