the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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