here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
