some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
