I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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