I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
