How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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