did you get engaged???
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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