Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
