Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize