It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
