I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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