its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
