Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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