R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
