i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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