Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
