My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
