Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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