Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
