Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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