Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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