i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
