i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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