I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
