I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
