Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
