It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
