i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
