she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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