Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We have so much sex to catch up on
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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