Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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