My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MIDGETS
????
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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