he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
