If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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