I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
