yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And then he peed in my hair
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