dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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