There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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