hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
