I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
In America we eat man semen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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