Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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