yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
