You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
