those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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