Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
