You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
