im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
