did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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