There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
