He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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