i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
