I just pynch a tree in the face
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
