So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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